Blog Ipsa Loquitur

Published on under Not The Onion

As a nation, we’ve decided that school shootings are bad, but not bad enough to effect anything approaching gun control. In light of this, schools have to take certain drastic measures. For example, some are considering using bulletproof blankets to protect students from the guns we can’t seem to keep out of schools. And just about every school in the nation has banned toy guns, no matter how obviously fake they are.

In that spirit, nine-year old Aiden Steward should have known better before he brought to school a replica of one of the deadliest instruments known to man:

There’s something to be said about the One Ring from J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit and Lord of the Ring series: it’s powerful enough to get a nine-year-old student sent home from school. Aiden Steward brought a toy version of the magical ring to school after watching the film version of most recent Hobbit film with his parents, telling a fellow student he could make him disappear with the ring. Aiden was promptly sent home.

This is your typical silly fluff news story that doesn’t merit even clicking the headline in the tweet. Except for the quote from Aiden’s father:

“I assure you, my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend’s existence,” Aiden’s father Jason Steward said in an email to the school. “If he did, I’m sure he’d bring him right back.” He said the principal of Kermit Elementary, Roxanne Greer, said no threats would be tolerated by the school, magical or otherwise.

Simply beautiful.